"As we go on\ we remember\ all the times we\ had together."
God, sometimes I wish people would stop singing that song. But it apples so greatly, to looking back on what we've done and being satisfied or nostalgic or sentimental or all of the above.

I don't think it'll hit us. Not at least until July, August, September, when we realize that we won't see most of our friends until maybe Thanksgiving/Christmas/Spring/Summer/ten year reunion. But we also realize that there's a whole army of friendships waiting to be made, and then we feel a little better. But most of us won't feel that 'better' until sometime in our sophomore year of college.

I've made so many bonds these past 4 years. Friends I had from middle school glowed even brighter or faded away from my life. But I'm glad to have met them all. There are times when I sit in disbelief that I'm living now. That I'm not experiencing what I experienced in 8th grade or at the end of Governor's school or at the end of elementary school when I moved to WWMS. It's an entirely different feeling, because these bonds are stronger than glue. Much, much stronger.

Friends have shaped me into what I am, or I should say, who I am. Every habit I have, every secret I keep, everything I say to humor an audience revolves around my friends, and maybe my family. But my friends have affected my behavior in group settings. No one wants to be awkward or lonely or outcasted or annoying, so we melt into the pot. At the same time we don't want to dilute this stew, so we add our own ingredient: Ourselves. As this year closes and as we move onto college, we realize that our new set of friends will entirely be different-- or, almost entirely. There will be people who remind us of old high school buddies, and people who remind us of our nemeses. In the end, it's hard to forget everyone who has touched our lives. And in these moments when we're reminded, we could feel nostalgic, maybe even nauseous, at the fact that all we can do to contact that person is type a short message to him or her or hear their voice for a few minutes in conversation but you know they have better things to do than to talk to you since they have a busy schedule with their own set of friends and they're probably thinking of someone else.

High school will be a connection for later in life. If we ever happen to meet someone who went to J.P. Stevens, he or she will already have become part of our family. Because they went to the same high school, they might have the same ideals and experiences, memories and friends. You could talk about common friends or enemies, teachers and teachers' pets, the school, the lack of air conditioning, the insane heat wave, the dearth of paper, the inedible lunch food, etcetera. High school will be a room in our minds just as middle school has become a room, just as elementary school has become a room. But of course, each room becomes further away from us as we age. In 30 years, we might not remember any detail of high school except for maybe that we graduated. We graduated in.. what year was that? 2008?

And we might remember one or two influential teachers, three or four close friends, or maybe more. But not everyone. It's a shame. That's why we made yearbooks: to jog our memory, to be a key for this room.

I decided I'm not going to try not to cry on graduation day. Crying is a way of human expression that comes out instead of words or exagerations. It's what we do when we don't know what else to do except cry. And it's natural to cry when we imagine how much we will miss someone, not that we miss them already. I miss all of my friends right now. Because right now, I have another final to study for, and that means I can't be with them. And this empty feeling will take hold and grab our stomachs each time we wish we could see our friends but can't. We cry now for fear of loneliness later, only we know we won't be lonely. Some of us will have friends from high school who carried into the same college, and that'll remind us of the good times we had, and we'll be comforted a bit. But we cry now for how much we will miss our friends. We cry now because that's all we can do. And there's nothing wrong with that.

"That's how it is on this bitch of an earth."

hmm today went to party at winston's house it was brendan's bday(his kid brother)... anyway wilson and amy were there we played ps2 and hold'em and watched a movie. woot.

for tuesday's concert... you know who you are
My mom said it would be easier to rent a car than to get a taxi, and easier too... or if she's in a good good mood she'll drive. but that's a maybe. serious maybe. ok???

im out, nite

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YAY!! My mom can take us there! woohoo problem solved. i owe her a lot now though. rofl. so yeah, she's pick us all up and drop us off at the continental arena... then pick up us when it's time to go home. Hallelujah. ^^

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another change of plans, jingna and kat will go to crystal's house like scheduled and dan will come to my house... crystal's dad still wants to drive -___-'' which neutralizes the whole idea of my mom even driving a van in the first place. but that's okay.. even though it's a little more effort. blaahh.

today went playing tennis with dan dai, eric hsu and dan zhang. i didnt noe the latter two, but i do now. i sucked on ice. completely sucked. i couldn't even hit the ball. and then at the end when i was a little fatigued i coulod finally serve corectly. rofl. and then went to dans house and played ssbm. i pwned with samus and jigglypuff.. MAJOR PWNAGE

lol sry kevin, my mom really only allows me to go to family friends bbqs, parties etc...

i don't think she's even letting me go to adela's party! T_______T.

just because im going to the concert. -_-'' blaaah. i hate when parents want to limit ur fun, thinking that too much is bad for u. i already missed lik 3 hangouts just because my mom isn't letting me go anywhere. so yeah, the only places i'm going are family friends places..the tutor place.. school tomorrow to help ms wions with something... and the concert. that sums up the rest of my summer. x_x.

school is starting soon. have you read your books yet?