Graduation.

I don't think it'll hit us. Not at least until July, August, September, when we realize that we won't see most of our friends until maybe Thanksgiving/Christmas/Spring/Summer/ten year reunion. But we also realize that there's a whole army of friendships waiting to be made, and then we feel a little better. But most of us won't feel that 'better' until sometime in our sophomore year of college.

I've made so many bonds these past 4 years. Friends I had from middle school glowed even brighter or faded away from my life. But I'm glad to have met them all. There are times when I sit in disbelief that I'm living now. That I'm not experiencing what I experienced in 8th grade or at the end of Governor's school or at the end of elementary school when I moved to WWMS. It's an entirely different feeling, because these bonds are stronger than glue. Much, much stronger.

Friends have shaped me into what I am, or I should say, who I am. Every habit I have, every secret I keep, everything I say to humor an audience revolves around my friends, and maybe my family. But my friends have affected my behavior in group settings. No one wants to be awkward or lonely or outcasted or annoying, so we melt into the pot. At the same time we don't want to dilute this stew, so we add our own ingredient: Ourselves. As this year closes and as we move onto college, we realize that our new set of friends will entirely be different-- or, almost entirely. There will be people who remind us of old high school buddies, and people who remind us of our nemeses. In the end, it's hard to forget everyone who has touched our lives. And in these moments when we're reminded, we could feel nostalgic, maybe even nauseous, at the fact that all we can do to contact that person is type a short message to him or her or hear their voice for a few minutes in conversation but you know they have better things to do than to talk to you since they have a busy schedule with their own set of friends and they're probably thinking of someone else.

High school will be a connection for later in life. If we ever happen to meet someone who went to J.P. Stevens, he or she will already have become part of our family. Because they went to the same high school, they might have the same ideals and experiences, memories and friends. You could talk about common friends or enemies, teachers and teachers' pets, the school, the lack of air conditioning, the insane heat wave, the dearth of paper, the inedible lunch food, etcetera. High school will be a room in our minds just as middle school has become a room, just as elementary school has become a room. But of course, each room becomes further away from us as we age. In 30 years, we might not remember any detail of high school except for maybe that we graduated. We graduated in.. what year was that? 2008?

And we might remember one or two influential teachers, three or four close friends, or maybe more. But not everyone. It's a shame. That's why we made yearbooks: to jog our memory, to be a key for this room.

I decided I'm not going to try not to cry on graduation day. Crying is a way of human expression that comes out instead of words or exagerations. It's what we do when we don't know what else to do except cry. And it's natural to cry when we imagine how much we will miss someone, not that we miss them already. I miss all of my friends right now. Because right now, I have another final to study for, and that means I can't be with them. And this empty feeling will take hold and grab our stomachs each time we wish we could see our friends but can't. We cry now for fear of loneliness later, only we know we won't be lonely. Some of us will have friends from high school who carried into the same college, and that'll remind us of the good times we had, and we'll be comforted a bit. But we cry now for how much we will miss our friends. We cry now because that's all we can do. And there's nothing wrong with that.

"That's how it is on this bitch of an earth."

OMGOMGOMG. SYSTEM OF A DOWN CONCERT OWNED SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just came back. :D

So my mom picked me up from home after picking up dan and we went to crystal's house around 5:00. We left her house around 5:15, two cars following each other. however at thet first toll on the turnpike, my mom had EZpass and Crystal's dad didn't. -.-'' lol. so our cars got split up, and we had to ask for which way to go via cell phone. rofl.

we got to the Continental Arena around 6:10, and went inside, presented our tickets, got our seats. (we were in section 216, we could see the stage from the side, and fairly close)... Crystal, kat and jingna took 10 more minutes than us to find their seats, which were next to our seats. (dan and my seats, that is)

Before the concert began we walked around the outside of the stadium, saw a bunch of pale metalheads, some drunkards that screamed "SYSTEM ROCKS!!! YEAH!!!".. It was so funny. Then we heard the audience roar, so we ran inside.

Bad Acid Trip was playing first, and we couldn't hear a single word the screamer was saying... the Bass player pounded so hard that you could feel it pulsing. the Guitarist had his drive on so much that you couldn't tell that it was music.. and the lyrics to every song were the same rhythm. They had a unique style, but it was kind of like SOAD's. complete posers.

their performance took 30 mintues (THANK GOD)... and then we went outside the stadium again. Kat, Crystal and Jingna all started picking up condiment half n halfs and downing them. rofl. so i drank one too. it tasted weird.

Before the Mars Volta went on, JIngna kept on wanting to move somewhere else, to be at a better angle to view the stage... so we went up all the stairs (about 100)... to the very very top, and walked around that way to avoid security, who kept on checking for tickets. We made our way to the place perpendicular to the stage when The Mars Volta started playing. The Guitarist went on amazing solos, but the crowd didn't really have any reaction until the song "The Widow" came on. The singer's voice is so high, much like a woman's. their performance took little over an hour. We kept on moving around, however, becuase dozons of potheads were around us, and we wanted to avoid as much second-hand smoke as possible, and it got hard to breathe. When they stopped playing, we went down the stairs again to look for an even better seat. we didn't find any good ones, so went outside. A giant curtain with the Mezmerize logo drew up on the stage. When we got outside, the crowd went wild, so we check if it started yet, but no. we went back in anyway. we went up all the stairs again, and went to a spot high above where out original seat was. Music started, and the crowd cheered--this was what they came to hear and see. Soldier Slide played, while the giant curtain was still there. as the final riff ended, the curtain dropped to the first notes of B.Y.O.B. The Crowd sang along, some screaming and others just singing. System of a Down went through the other "Mezmerize" Songs, and then started playing songs from their sophomore album. Kat and I jumped up and down, waving hands in the air, to every song, and dan just stood there like the emao he is and head bobbing a little. Jingna and crystal sang along, but not as enthusiastically as kat and i did. The band played for 3 more hours, exploring songs from their sophomore album and their self titled, including a preview of the track "Kill Rock n' Roll" :D... Between songs, Daron Malakian sang some lyrics of the faster ones in slow motion. and also sang "sultans of swing", which Dan informed me, is his favorite song. They also played Forest, Revenga, Prison Song, Needles, Bounce, Chop Suey, Sad Statue, Suggestions, THis Cocaine makes me feel like I'm on this Song, Know, War, Toxicity, Aerials, Science, Cigaro, Atwa, Deer Dance, Suite-Pee(with bad acid trip) and lastly, Sugar. By the time the last songs rolled around, Kat and I were still jumping and headbanging furiously. Dan and Crystal were exhausted, moving minimally, and Jingna was headbanging mildly. During the middle of the performance, some drunkards behind us were wrestling each other and scremaing lyrics loudly. One had slipped on a half n half packet. They seemed pretty stoned. And there was no way for us to escape any smokers' smoke. so we had to deal with it. It was a great concert, and I went to see it with my great friends. Thanks especially to Kat, who came up with the idea, and Crystal, who put up with my real mom(^^'').

I got home around 12:06 AM.

hmm today went to party at winston's house it was brendan's bday(his kid brother)... anyway wilson and amy were there we played ps2 and hold'em and watched a movie. woot.

for tuesday's concert... you know who you are
My mom said it would be easier to rent a car than to get a taxi, and easier too... or if she's in a good good mood she'll drive. but that's a maybe. serious maybe. ok???

im out, nite

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YAY!! My mom can take us there! woohoo problem solved. i owe her a lot now though. rofl. so yeah, she's pick us all up and drop us off at the continental arena... then pick up us when it's time to go home. Hallelujah. ^^

--

another change of plans, jingna and kat will go to crystal's house like scheduled and dan will come to my house... crystal's dad still wants to drive -___-'' which neutralizes the whole idea of my mom even driving a van in the first place. but that's okay.. even though it's a little more effort. blaahh.

today went playing tennis with dan dai, eric hsu and dan zhang. i didnt noe the latter two, but i do now. i sucked on ice. completely sucked. i couldn't even hit the ball. and then at the end when i was a little fatigued i coulod finally serve corectly. rofl. and then went to dans house and played ssbm. i pwned with samus and jigglypuff.. MAJOR PWNAGE

lol sry kevin, my mom really only allows me to go to family friends bbqs, parties etc...

i don't think she's even letting me go to adela's party! T_______T.

just because im going to the concert. -_-'' blaaah. i hate when parents want to limit ur fun, thinking that too much is bad for u. i already missed lik 3 hangouts just because my mom isn't letting me go anywhere. so yeah, the only places i'm going are family friends places..the tutor place.. school tomorrow to help ms wions with something... and the concert. that sums up the rest of my summer. x_x.

school is starting soon. have you read your books yet?

omgomg we have asituation. the grou pof us that are going to the concert.. crystal's dad's car is too small.. we could squeeze, but he doesn't want to take that safety risk. T__T. now we're in doo if we don't get another driver by tuesday. ... deep doodoo.... I don't know what i'm gonna do if i don't get someone by tuesday. my mom says i can't go if i can't get a ride. and i'm definately going, there is NO FREAKIN WAY IM NOT GOIN, AFTER ALL THIS ANTICIPATION AND MY 50$!!!... -__________-''' and just being in the mosh with some of my closest friends.. i am definately going. omgogmomg. if anyone IS going by chance please.. contact me.. even though i doubt anyone else is... damnit damnit damnit. UGHHHHHHHH

and my braces are off. retainer is so uncomfortable.

Yay! my braces are coming off today. I've been waiting for today for two years. hallelujahhhhhhhhh.

mm.. i don't think i'll be able to hangout today >_____<... my mom's at work and she has to bring me to the orthodontist around 3:45 to get the braces off, then take me to piano lessons... she'd hate to make another stop before hand for me to watch a movie.. she does so much for me, and i feel like she needs a break... and besides, my sister would start whining about her not being able to go to a movie while i can. lol. so.. T__T. this really sucks.. i won't be able to hangout with anyone besides the soad concert on tuesday.. and MAYBE adela's party. And i wanna go to the beach with the crue. lol.

nevermind, last night was like the only night thtat i slept without doing anything. like sneaking online or listening to my ipod for 2 hours. i actually slept. =O.

if i don't hang out or see anyone untill school starts, then someone plan hangouts during the second or third month of school. more probably that i'll be able to go. =). asian parents.. u noe.. u gotta study before play, blblablabla. sux0rz.

yah. dood. im so fricken bored. i wish i could go to the movie today. i didn't even bother asking tho coz i know it's impossible. lol. eeeeeeek.

Currently Listening to: Where You Want to Be
                                  by Taking Back Sunday